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Daniil @daniil · April, 2021
This is a twitter feed adaptation of The Nose by Nikolai Gogol
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Prosya Tsirylnik @prosya · March 25, 1832 at 7:15
See what I've backed!
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Ivan Tsirylnik @ivan · 7:16
@prosya, it is so wonderful to wake up smelling fresh bread and having it for breakfast! I will have it with onion and abstain from coffee today
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Prosya Tsirylnik @prosya · 7:19
@ivan, I've served it on the table
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Ivan's secret page @ivan_for_friends · 7:19
Married life sometimes is so hard. I would rather have had both bread with onion and coffee for breakfast, but my wife doesn't like such whims, so I had to choose
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pls don't tell my husband about this account @prosya_secret · 7:20
my husband is such a fool! he decided not to have coffee for breakfast
so be it, let the fool eat bread for breakfast, that's even better, one more portion left for me
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Ivan Tsirylnik @ivan · 7:25
(private message to @prosya)
look, I found a nose in the bread |
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Prosya Tsirylnik @prosya · 7:26
(private message to @ivan)
AND YOU ARE WRITING IT TO ME??? |
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Prosya Tsirylnik @prosya · 7:26
(private message to @ivan)
CRIMINAL! |
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Prosya Tsirylnik @prosya · 7:26
(private message to @ivan)
DRUNKARD! |
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Prosya Tsirylnik @prosya · 7:26
(private message to @ivan)
WHERE DID YOU CUT OFF IT OFF, MONSTER??? |
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Prosya Tsirylnik @prosya · 7:26
(private message to @ivan)
I'VE HEARD IT FROM THREE DIFFERENT PEOPLE HOW NEGLIGENTLY YOU SHAVE YOUR CUSTOMERS |
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Prosya Tsirylnik @prosya · 7:27
(private message to @ivan)
I'M GOING TO REPORT YOU TO THE POLICE |
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Ivan Tsirylnik @ivan · 7:27
(private message to @prosya)
please! wait! I will put it wrapped somewhere in the corner, and later I'll take it away |
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Prosya Tsirylnik @prosya · 7:27
(private message to @ivan)
you won't! |
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Prosya Tsirylnik @prosya · 7:27
(private message to @ivan)
I don't want to held accountable because of your wrongdoing! |
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Prosya Tsirylnik @prosya · 7:28
(private message to @ivan)
get rid of it now however you want! |
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Ivan's secret page @ivan_for_friends · 7:35
I've just found a cut-off nose in my bread and my wife thinks it was me. guys, what do you think should I do?
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Ivan's secret page @ivan_for_friends · 8:23
@boris, thank you for your advice. Dropping it into the river Neva would indeed do it
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Ivan's secret page @ivan_for_friends · 9:05
Alright, I'm on the bridge. So hard to do it
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St. Petersburg police @spb_police · 9:07
Investigating a suspicious activity on the Isaac bridge
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Ivan's secret page @ivan_for_friends · 9:08
Done it
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St. Petersburg police @spb_police · 9:12
A suspicially behaving man was arrested on the Isaac bridge after he got rid of an unidentified object by throwing it into the river. He is going to be interrogated soon.
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Prosya Tsirylnik @prosya · March 27, 1832 at 12:14
Can anyone suggest a good counsel?
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · March 25, 1832 at 5:33
Woke up so early, feel bad. Something wrong with me
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 5:34
OH MY GOD
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 5:34
NOOO
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 5:35
MY NOSE IS MISSING
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 5:35
How could that happen?
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 5:35
How am I going to live now? To show myself in public places? At work? For a state servant like me it is unacceptable to show up like this
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 5:36
It could be anything. A finger, in such case its absence can be hidden. Even a leg, this would be at least explainable! But nose!!!
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 5:36
This must be God punishing me for my sins. For my pride, for my dishonesty, for seeking for a financial interest in marriage, for always trying to show off, to present myself as someone who I am not
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Collegiate assessor Kovalev @kovalev · 5:37
I used to call myself a major, knowing that a military rank equivalent of my civil rank always sounded more prestigious, but, to be honest, what moral right do I have to do so?
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Collegiate assessor Kovalev @kovalev · 5:37
Some of my colleagues got their rank for their participation in Caucasus campaign, fighting for the Emperor. And me? Me who got my position just for studying in an university. They deserve to call themselves Majors and I don't
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 5:37
On the other hand, it's too sentimental of me. It is never late to confess. But it might be late to find the nose. I think that I just need to real a bit, to go for a walk and then to visit the Police's department
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:11
JUST SAW A NOSE GETTING INTO A CARRIAGE FROM A HOUSE AND DRIVING AWAY! MY VERY NOSE!!
And in a luxurious one btw. Such carriages are provided by state only to vice-minister Hoping someone at the house will name me his account
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:13
(private message to @nose)
Your excellency |
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:14
(private message to @nose)
Your excellency... |
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Nose @nose · 7:14
(private message to @kovalev)
Yes? |
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:14
(private message to @nose)
Your excellency |
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:14
(private message to @nose)
It's weird... |
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:14
(private message to @nose)
I don't know how to say this |
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:15
(private message to @nose)
Your excellency, I think... I think your should know your place |
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Nose @nose · 7:15
(private message to @kovalev)
Excuse me, but I absolutely don't understand what are you trying to say. Explain yourself. |
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:15
(private message to @nose)
Of course, I... |
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:16
(private message to @nose)
Well, I am a major |
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:16
(private message to @nose)
You must admit it is below of a man of my rank's dignity to show up with a nose |
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:16
(private message to @nose)
It might be ok for some kind of a street hawker selling oranges to live without a nose |
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:17
(private message to @nose)
But for me, a person of my rank and someone having honour to be acquainted with ladies from respected families |
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:17
(private message to @nose)
I am sorry, your excellency, but from point of view of honour and responsibility... I think you understand it yourself |
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Nose @nose · 7:20
(private message to @kovalev)
I definitely don't get what are you trying to say. You must be more precise. |
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:20
(private message to @nose)
Your excellency, I don't know how to interpret your words |
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:20
(private message to @nose)
This seems very obvious |
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:20
(private message to @nose)
Or you want me to... |
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:20
(private message to @nose)
You are my own nose! |
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Nose @nose · 7:21
(private message to @kovalev)
Hmm... Major, you're wrong. I'm on my own. There can't be any relation between us. Your costume hints me that you're from a different department. Now I'd like to ask you to leave me alone. |
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:24
Okay, talking to my own nose was a bad idea in the first place. Now sure if the Police would help either. I'd better start with publishing a notice in a newspaper
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:25
@spbtimes, I'd like to publish a small notice in your paper. Someone ran away and I'd like to promise a bounty for any information
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St. Petersburg Times @spbtimes · 7:25
@kovalev,
fine. Was the person who ran away your serf?
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:25
@spbtimes, a serf? No. This wouldn't be such a big deal. The one who ran away is the nose
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St. Petersburg Times @spbtimes · 7:25
@kovalev,
what a strange name! And how much did this Mr. Nose stole from you?
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:26
@spbtimes, you don't get it. The nose, my very own nose. It disappeared and now God only knows where it is
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St. Petersburg Times @spbtimes · 7:26
@kovalev,
and how did this happen? I think I don't understand you
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:26
@spbtimes, I don't know how but I can say you that now he is driving around the city and presents himself as a vice-minister. And I'd like to declare that whoever catches it should bring it to me
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St. Petersburg Times @spbtimes · 7:28
@kovalev,
I'm afraid we can't publish this
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:28
@spbtimes, but why?
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St. Petersburg Times @spbtimes · 7:28
@kovalev,
imagine everyone starts to write that they lost their nose! People already complain that too many absurdities and false rumors get published
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:29
@spbtimes, but why is it absurdity? Seems to be just a regular matter
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St. Petersburg Times @spbtimes · 7:29
@kovalev,
for you. But we had a case last week. A person asked us to publish that a dog, a black poodle, ran away. Would could be wrong? As it turned out, it was a libel: the poodle was a firm's treasurer!
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:29
@spbtimes, why are you telling me about a poodle??? I want to make a notice about my nose, meaning that about myself!
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St. Petersburg Times @spbtimes · 7:29
@kovalev,
no, this can't be published. If you really lost your nose, you should visit a doctor. But to be honest, you seem to be a person who likes to amuse himself and others
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:30
@spbtimes, do I look like someone joking?
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St. Petersburg Times @spbtimes · 7:31
@kovalev,
I must admit I was wrong. Still, I don't see what interest can you have in publishing this in our newspaper. I can pass this story to our colleagues at @funny_stories, they will pay you!
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 7:32
@spbtimes, sod off!
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Policeman Gorodovoy @gorodovoy · March 30, 1832 at 13:11
(private message to @kovalev)
Good afternoon! I work for Admiralteysky's district police. Are you Vasily Petrovich Kovalev? |
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 13:25
(private message to @gorodovoy)
Good afternoon! Yes, I am. |
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Policeman Gorodovoy @gorodovoy · 13:26
(private message to @kovalev)
So you're the one who reported loss of a nose? |
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 13:26
(private message to @gorodovoy)
A nose?? Yes, yes, did you find it??? |
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Policeman Gorodovoy @gorodovoy · 13:28
(private message to @kovalev)
I did. I caught him on the road. He was in a coach wanting to get to Riga. He even had fake documents claiming that he is a vice-minister. Fortunately, I had glasses with me so despite my far-sightedness I was able to see that that was a nose and arrest him. |
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 13:28
(private message to @gorodovoy)
I am very happy to hear that! Where can I collect it? |
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Policeman Gorodovoy @gorodovoy · 13:28
(private message to @kovalev)
At our office at Izmailovskiy. By the way, how are you doing? The prices have grown a lot recently... |
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 13:29
(private message to @gorodovoy)
I see what you mean. Don't worry, I won't forget to thank you properly! |
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Policeman Gorodovoy @gorodovoy · 13:28
(private message to @kovalev)
You're welcome! |
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Major Kovalev @kovalev · 15:35
Good news: my nose is finally with me!
Not so good news: I had to give the policeman 100 golden rubles as a "informal gift"
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Rumors and Facts @RnF · March 26, 1832 at 11:11
SHOCKING: a nose calling himself a vice-minister is travelling around the city!
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The Insider @theinsider · March 28, 1832 at 14:55
Our anonymous source informs that the Nose is soon to be promoted to minister
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Newspaper "The Yellow" @yellow · March 30, 1832 at 9:18
A BAND OF NOSES WAS SEEN CONSPIRING TO KILL THE EMPEROR
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St. Petersburg Times @spbtimes · March 30, 1832 at 7:00
In today's edition! At interview with @kovalev, an alleged owner of the nose (or, as for the last unverified information, one of the noses) travelling around the city!!
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The Patriot @thepatriot · March 31, 1832 at 14:43
@kovalev is lying! The noses are @MI6's secret agents sent to undermine the Empire's strength the Brits are so jealous about!!!
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The Storyteller @thestoryteller · 1833
This is the story that took place in the capital of our immense country
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The Storyteller @thestoryteller · 1833
Surely, it contains lots of unrealistic details
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The Storyteller @thestoryteller · 1833
The detachment of the nose is really paranormal
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The Storyteller @thestoryteller · 1833
The fact that it was appearing as a vice-minister is even more strange
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The Storyteller @thestoryteller · 1833
On the other hand, we can make some sumptions here
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The Storyteller @thestoryteller · 1833
Where in the world there is nothing bizarre?
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The Storyteller @thestoryteller · 1833
All in all, such strange events do happen around the world. Rarely, but not never
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Daniil @daniil · April 2, 2021
Based on the original Russian text of The Nose by Gogol (available here)
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Daniil @daniil · April 2, 2021
The translation was performed by myself
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Daniil @daniil · April 2, 2021
The source code is available at GitHub
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Daniil @daniil · April 2, 2021
Visual materials used:
book cover,
logo,
interface icons,
bread photo,
St. Petersburg police's avatar,
Major Kovalev's avatar,
nose,
Prosya's avatar,
Ivan's avatar,
Policeman Gorodovoy's avatar,
Rumors and facts' avatar,
The Insider's avatar,
The Patriot's avatar,
Gogol's portait (The Storyteller's avatar)
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